Thoughts of Autumn
by Kissy Heartbreak
Summary: Of course, it was no surprise that he didn't remember. Remember that one little, insignificant, unimportant memory out of all the other more important ones he has floating around in his thickly skulled cranium. "Stupid, sourwolf." Sterek
1. Chapter 1

AN: Okay, first Sterek fic. I have another one in rough drafts, but, depending on how this one goes, I may just put them together.

Also, I cannot unhear young Simba when Stiles opens his mouth for the first bit. I just thought back to the stampede scene and now it'll never go away. Just in case any of you need help imagining a kid!Stiles voice.

The next chapter will be done from Dereks POV.

Enjoy!

* * *

Of course, it was no surprise that he didn't remember.

He seemed to let everything he didn't need drop right out of his head, just leaving this trail of all lost memories on the ground behind him. This is why Stiles isn't surprised that Derek doesn't remember him from all those years ago. Remember that one little, insignificant, unimportant memory out of all the other more important ones he has floating around in his thickly skulled cranium. After all, they had only been kids – not even in the same school. Derek had to have been in Middle School or Junior High, Stiles guessed fourteen, maybe older, at the time. He himself had only been eight going on nine, snot nosed and as much the trouble maker as he'd always been. It was hard to remember if he'd been better behaved or worse, considering the stress in his home situation during those years. His father, burying himself in work and drink, always trying to keep his son at arms length because he couldn't handle thinking about what Stiles meant. That Stiles was all the living proof he had left.

He'd only just become friends with Scott McCall. Scott didn't fully comprehend it, but he knew that Stiles' mom was dead and that Stiles was a sad kid. Scott did what he could to cheer up his new found friend, and Stiles greatly appreciated the effort. He was more than happy to find someone he could cling onto. Still, Scott wasn't always there. He had days where he couldn't come out and play, usually because of a cold or a cough – being a severe asthmatic had many downsides. Those days, Stiles would take a walk. He would go to the park or he would walk into town, his father was always at work, so he never had to worry about being home until late, and if he was ever asked, he could just say he'd gone to visit Scott. On the days when he was really down and had no Scott to cheer him up, he would walk off into the woods, where he could be alone and break things or scream or cry and never have to worry about if someone had heard him or not. It was wide and open and empty with only the birds and the squirrels to judge him. He never felt afraid in the forest, never at unease. It was like he knew he'd be safe there, in the one place so many other people always seemed to fear. Maybe it was the grandness of it all, that he could walk for miles and see on for forever that made him feel so safe. Maybe it was just because he was so alone.

It was an autumn day, wet and foggy, and a bad one in particular for Stiles. He was angry. Scott had been sick again and so Stiles had had no one to play with at school, more importantly, he had had no one to help him with the bullies. They had three in their school that liked to pick on Stiles in particular, all in a higher grade than he and Scott. It was a general rule of thumb to only tease Scott because of his asthma – they'd found out the hard way that it was a bad idea to do otherwise – but Stiles was perfectly healthy and unlikely to keel over if he got a few smacks upside the head. Because Scott wasn't there to get in the way and because the only reason they were easy on Stiles was Scott, today had been a particularly abusive day at school for him. They had taken his lunch and shoved him into a mud puddle, kicked him and called him a few nasty names. As far as the teachers knew, he was running outside and tripped. Stiles and Scott never said anything about the bullying because they never wanted to find out if those boys would keep to their promise of making their lives even worse. So, when Stiles go home that day to his empty house in his ruined cloths, he cleaned his fathers morning mess of half eaten toast and empty glass that reeked of whiskey and changed his cloths and left for the forest.

For two hours he hit trees and threw rocks and ran until his legs gave, he would scream his frustration when he fell and hit the leaves on the cold, damp ground until his hands started to hurt. After two hours, he didn't feel so angry anymore. He just felt tired.

He walked for a long time. Not focused on anything in general, mostly just staring at his feet or the sky or straight ahead into the empty nothing of the forest without even paying attention to it or where he was or where he was going. He wasn't feeling numb or empty or anything dramatic like that. He could still feel the nip of the cool autumn air on his reddened cheeks and the throb of his exertion in his legs and feet. He could feel the scrapes on his hands and the slow forming bruises caused by himself and others. He felt it all, every little thing, his senses all on overload and that was what tired him. He wished that he didn't have to feel any of it, none of these things. The anger, the sadness, most of all, the pain and the guilt. He wouldn't have to feel the blame every time his dad took a drink of alcohol, the burn of his wrongdoings whenever they met one another's gaze. Then there was that ache, the one he got whenever he walked by that room. He wished he could stop that feeling the most, out of everything else. He couldn't, though, and so he was left here, feeling tired of all these feelings.

He was so wrapped up in thinking this, that he had lost all awareness for his surroundings. The repetitive one foot after another suddenly stopped and Stiles very vaguely wondered, as his foot continued to move down, why the ground was suddenly so soft. It was only when he looked down to answer his own question that he noticed the sheer drop into a deep crevice and the dirt crumbling beneath his sneakers. His eyes widened and his mouth opened as he felt himself being pulled into the darkness, but he didn't scream. He had no voice, like he had left it behind him on the steady ground above him. Stiles could do nothing but watch as a flat surface came up to meet him, it was only as the glare passed his eyes that he realized he was going to fall into a body of water of unknown depth. If the water was shallow, he would most definitely break something, maybe even die – but if it was deep….

Stiles held his breath.

Blackness engulfed him, captured him and pulled him deeper. He wasn't sure if he was burning or freezing as needles pricked his skin all over. With a kick of his legs and a wave of his arms, Stiles knew that he was still alive and with no hesitation he started pushing himself back up to that pale shimmer of light at the surface. He broke through with a gasp and then a cough, looking around himself wildly in hopes of understanding his new situation. It looked like a little semi-underground pond, more or less. He was surrounded by water with at least ten feet of dirt and rock wall above him and nothing within arms length to grasp onto. He found this out as he tried reaching for some dangling roots of a tree that were just barely too far away. He swam to the side of the crevice, digging his hands into what soft spots he could find in the wall and took a look up. The wall curved in exactly the wrong way for Stiles to have any hope of scaling it and there wasn't anything on the wall for him to grab onto anyway, he was barely holding onto the bit of side he had as it was.

He was trapped.

"Help!" He called out "Help me! Somebody!"

Silence.

"Please, help..!" He tried again, though, this time with less force.

He knew nobody was coming to help. He was miles away from town, his dad wouldn't be home from work until nine and he had told no one where he had gone. No one knew he was out in the forest, no one knew he was in danger, no one would come looking._ No one_.

Stiles looked away from the opening of the crevice and back to his hands digging into the wall. They were shaking with strain as they clung to the wet dirt, the water wasn't freezing, but it was autumn and the nights were cold, the temperature would drop and his hands were already shaking. Stiles felt panic well up in his chest and the horror of it was almost paralyzing because he couldn't have an attack! Not now!

"H-Help… Help me! Please!" It was followed by a sob and another, his face grew hot and his vision blurred as tears started falling across his face.

"Hey, kid!" called out a voice, deeper than his own but still holding that youthful quality to it "Kid, you okay?"

Stiles looked back up quickly to see a young boy peering down at him from the crevice opening. He looked to be in his teens, fair skin and black hair. His eyes, even from this distance, seemed to attempt to pierce Stiles, but the boy's relief was so overwhelming that he even almost let go of the wall. "I-I'm stuck! There's no way out! I can't- Get out!"

"Okay, calm down. I'll get you out." He said evenly, obviously catching Stiles panicked state "I don't live too far from here, so I'm going to go and get some help- Don't panic! Do you understand? I'll be right back." He fixed Stiles with a stare that should have seemed authoritative and harsh instead of comforting and reassuring, but Stiles could only seem to find the later when he looked up at him, so he nodded and watched with a strange feeling of safety as the boy rushed off.

He waited, silently skimming the walls of the crevice in hopes of finding some possible way to escape. It had only been fifteen or twenty minutes before the boy had shown back up again with some rope and another person, a girl. She seemed to be about the same age as the boy, from the looks of it. They shared the same dark hair though his skin was a little paler, maybe it was his sister?

"Do you think you can lift yourself up the rope?" The girl asked worriedly as she looked down at him.

There was no way that they could reach him from the crevice to the wall with how the curve went, so Stiles let go of it, almost going under as he did. His legs were slow and heavy and his hands were weak, but he managed to keep his head above the water and, when he looked up to the two alarmed faces of the now obviously worried teens, he smiled weakly and said "I-I can try.."

The girl and boy exchanged doubtful looks with each other, but the boy let out a loud sigh from his nose and threw half the rope down into the crevice. Stiles made his way to the dangling brown line of freedom and grasped onto it as tightly as he could, hugging it to his chest possessively and looking up at the two teens with wide eyes.

"Don't worry, we're holding the other end down." The boy said, nodding down to him as a confirmation to continue.

Stiles nodded back quickly and started pulling himself out of the water. It was taking him a lot more effort than he'd thought it actually would and by the time he had made it past his hips, he was out of breath and his hands were trembling as they tried to keep hold of the rope. He could feel heat on his face, he knew he was about to cry and the frustration of it all made him whimper pathetically into his hands. "He can't make it."

Stiles looked up to see the girl taking off her jacket as she stood over the edge of the crevice. She smiled down at Stiles kindly and leaned over the edge "I'm coming in there to get you, okay? You need to let go."

Stiles gave her a panicked stare, looking to the boy instead. He nodded again in that way that shouldn't be, but somehow was reassuring "Let go, it's okay."

Slowly, Stiles slipped back into the water and the boy disappeared from the edge. The girl walked a bit to the side before she hopped down into the water herself with a splash. She remerged moments later and swam over to him, wrapping her arms around his tiny torso and giving him a friendly smile "So, what's your name?"

"S-Stiles.." The heat of her body was seeping into his own, he hadn't noticed he'd been so cold until now.

"Well, hello Stiles. I'm Laura, and my brother there is Derek." She said, looking up. Stiles did likewise and saw Derek leaning over the edge again, giving a little half wave.

"I have the rope secured. You should hurry up and get him out of there." Derek called somewhat impatiently.

"Sir, Yes_ sir_." Laura called back, grinning when Derek frowned at her. She looked to Stiles with that same grin "He's such a _sourwolf_, don't you think?"

Stiles couldn't help but smile, especially when Derek looked so grumpy over it. They both had a quiet little laugh about it as Laura positioned Stiles so that he could hold on to her while she climbed the rope. It was all over so quickly after that. Suddenly, Stiles was back on flat, solid ground again, sopping wet and wearing Dereks dry jacket instead of his own soaked one. They started on their way to Derek and Laura's house – which took _a lot_ more than twenty minutes to get to, which made Stiles wonder if Derek had ran the entire way there – Derek eventually ended up piggy-backing Stiles because of his shaky legs and, when they got there, they were rushed by adults who wanted to know what the hell happened. They, of course, explained what had gone on. Derek and Laura's parents were completely understanding and offered Stiles some dry cloths and some hot chocolate before they drove him home.

"Thank you." Derek was the first to look up, the first to lock gazes with Stiles. Laura looked up next and met Stiles gaze after Derek had gotten flustered with the gratitude in the boy's stare and looked away. She simply smiled and said "You're welcome."

After everything had calmed down, Stiles reverted back to how he was every day. A hyperactive chatterbox and Derek was his plan of attack. Laura was easy to talk_ with,_ but Stiles seemed more content with talking_ at_ Derek, who rarely replied. Instead, Derek just generally looked flustered and uncomfortable with him. Stiles ended up staying a whole two hours while his cloths were in the wash with the excuse that his dad wouldn't be happy if he didn't come home wearing them. When asked if his dad knew where he was or if he was worried he wasn't home, he simply replied that his dad doesn't worry – he's too busy to.

When it was finally time for him to go, it was obvious he didn't want to by the crushed look on his face "Can Derek come for the ride?"

Everyone looked at Derek, who looked at Stiles. Stiles would find, years later, it was actually pretty funny watching the wolfs expression as his resolve crumbled right before him. Stiles had some pretty wicked puppy dog eyes when he wanted to. "… Sssure."

"Woopie!" Stiles cheered.

He gave Laura a hug and waved goodbye to Dereks dad and uncle and got into the car with Derek and his mom. The entire ride home, he talked at Derek, except for when his mom needed directions, and Derek sometimes talked back. When they pulled up into Stiles empty drive way, Stiles voice faded and he looked up at the dark windows with a frown, that tired feeling creeping its way back into every part of his being. With a weary sigh, Stiles looked over to Dereks mom and smiled as brightly as he could muster "Thanks Mrs. Hale for being so cool!"

The tad of concern that had appeared was washed off of the woman's face with a chuckle "Not a problem, Stiles. It was nice having you over, though I hope you don't make a habit of falling into holes in the ground now."

"'Course not, ma'am!" He chirped up, causing her to smile even more.

Stiles unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned in between the two front seats to grab Derek for a hug. The older boy was stiff and awkward, but did return the gesture at least. Pulling back, Stiles smile seemed twice as bright as he stared down Derek "Thank you for saving me Derek! You're a really cool guy, I hope I get to talk to you again sometime!"

Derek just stared at him, only able to muster a weak "Y-Yeah…"

"Bye Mrs. Hale, Bye Derek!" Stiles said getting out of the car.

"Bye… Stiles." Stiles managed to hear Derek say just before he closed the door.

He watched as the car pulled out of his drive way and felt a hollowness in his gut as he watched them drive away from his house.

Leaving him. Now Derek was gone too.

Stiles went inside and went to bed early that evening and cried.

* * *

It was years later now and, as Stiles sat on the stairs to the Hale house with his chin in his hand, he found everything so very strange. Derek was arguing with Scott as usual and Stiles was just there, as usual. He never thought he'd be here though – not here as in the werewolf thing, I mean, who ever thinks they'll be _there_? – here at the Hale house, all these years later, he was here. He still remembered Laura's smiling face, looking so kindly at him. Derek's mother and father questioning him like good concerned parents should and Peter, who had just looked amused and _normal_. Really actually_ normal_ and _nice._ He remembers the house as it used to look, how it felt like such a home and how Stiles had felt so safe – most of all, he remembers Derek. Awkward, flustered, young Derek. Before everything, before the fire. Stiles had felt so bad for him all those years ago, when he'd first found out about if from his dad. When he went searching for him and Laura after it, though, they had already run off. Stiles was sure, after that, he would never see Derek Hale again.

And then, there he was.

Standing there, in the forest,_ Derek_ was there. Stiles met his gaze, looked for any sort of recognition, but then Derek threw Scott his inhaler and turned and walked away – like he'd never seen Stiles in his life. Stiles knew it was stupid of him to feel hurt, he'd only ever interacted with the guy that one time before that moment. Still, he was _hurt_, and so he acted as if he'd never talked to Derek before that moment either. Every time they met, there was tension. Every time they talked, they hit each other's buttons. Every single time. Stiles wasn't sure if he did it on purpose and he wasn't sure if they actually hated each other or had some kind of unsteady truce that bordered on an actual friendship. All he knew was that, when he got around Derek, he couldn't think straight. All he knew was, he just wanted to go back to that day, all those years ago. When Derek didn't look at him with aggression, but bewilderment. When Derek made him feel safe, not threatened. He'd really liked that Derek, he wanted to talk to that Derek again.

"Stupid, sourwolf."

"_What_ did you say?"

Stiles head snapped up and he looked at Derek and Scott, whom had stopped their bickering to look at him. Scott looked surprised, confused and very vaguely amused. Derek just looked angry, but when didn't he? Stiles just looked back and forth between the two wolves staring at him and swallowed nervously "… D-Did I say that out loud?"

"_Yes_." Derek replied instantly. There's a look in his eyes that Stiles catches, he knows he hit a chord. Just like the last time he'd used that nickname.

Raising his hands in the motion of surrender, Stiles ducks his head "Sorry, my bad."

"Why did you even say it then." Derek snaps.

"What does it matter? It's not the issue here!" Scott butts in "Are you going to help me, or not?"

Derek holds Stiles gaze a moment longer before turning back to Stiles with an equal amount of hostility "If you'll_ listen_, then I'll teach you. Will you listen?"

"Yes." Came Scott's quick reply.

"Then meet me here, _tonight_." Derek ordered, walking towards his house. Stiles made sure to shuffle back as Derek fixed him with a hard stare.

Once the door was closed, there was a momentary silence before Stiles got up off the steps with an enthusiastic stretch "Well, alright! Looks like I won't have to tie you up with chains this full moon!"

"That's if he can teach me." Scott reminded.

Stiles groaned "Do you always have to ruin the moment?"

They walked back to the jeep and hopped in, driving out of the Hale house driveway and Stiles couldn't help but look at the rear-view mirror at the shrinking house behind him and imagining it like it use to be, with three figures standing on the front steps on an autumn day. Waving goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

The evening light flooded in through the half burnt roof of Derek's bedroom. His mattress was under the half of roof that was still solid and could still protect against rain, but at this time of day, light hit all the dark shaded corners and bathed him in autumn gold as he lay on his old beaten bed. There was a casual look to him as he lay there, legs crossed at the ankles and hands weaved together under his head. His form was not rigid, he was not moving any time soon. Looking at his eyes, though, it was there that you could see Derek Hale as he was today. His stare would burn holes into the roof if it could, it was the expression of a man who was barely holding onto his control.

He couldn't stop thinking of it, that name. That stupid, annoying, frustrating little nickname of his. It brought him back, the real Derek. The Derek who was just an unsure little boy, who had no clue on how he was supposed to be a leader – how he was supposed to be a man. It brought back the Derek who liked to have fun and the Derek who smiled. The Derek who believed he had until forever and the Derek who thought there was actually such a thing as true love. All of this was because of one little stupid name. The_ person_ who had used that name.

He still remembered clearly that night at the school, before Peter had squired him with his claws in Derek's back. He remembered how familiar it had all felt, how quick he was to hear Laura instead of Stiles. It hadn't even occurred to him what had just happened until he'd already let the words slip out of his mouth. '_Shut up_'. Scott was too busy in his own little world to pick up on it, but Derek caught the escalation in Stiles heartbeat. The sudden quick inhale, and that look, that look in those bright ambers. Stiles realized what it was he had said, he and Derek both knew he had heard Laura say it that day, all those years ago. The memory of Laura hurt, it did, but even though it hurt to remember that name – it was that moment that stuck to him. When he had first returned to Beacon Hills, looking for Laura, the last thing he expected was to run into Stiles again. Of course he remembered the kid. Months before the day he had gone and saved him, he had listened to his cries of anger and pain every time he had gone into the forest. Stiles voice was an echo, a sound that haunted Derek down to his core. Peter had once jokingly called Stiles the sound of the forest, but for Derek, it wasn't much of a joke because. Even though he didn't understand why, those cries called to him.

"That boy sounds so sad." His mother had once commented when Derek had heard his call and had wandered to the nearest window.

"That boy sounds hurt." His father had said "Hurt a lot more than a boy his age should ever be."

Derek had taken those words to heart.

He had a good home, he loved his family and his family loved him very much. They were happy, every one of them and, though they were taught to know the dangers they would eventually face. At that time in his life, Derek felt protected and safe. So, listening to the call of this boy – definitely a younger one than his own self – he wondered how such a young kid could sound so sad so much of the time. It became a habit, to move to a window every time he heard the cry. Eventually that window became too much of a barrier and Derek found himself walking out to the porch. When that became not enough, he found himself walking into the woods and before he even knew it, he was pretty much stalking the kid. Stiles was definitely much much younger than him, maybe six or seven, he could even be just a really scrawny eight year old. He was short and thin and frail looking, he liked red it seemed, his hoody, his shorts and his shoes were either red or had some red on them in some place or pattern. He had short hair, buzzed down to just a fuzz around his head, and he was littered from head to toe with beauty marks, almost like he had just taken a marker to his skin. It was his scent that did it for Derek though. On the outside, Stiles had just looked really tired and really sad, but in his scent – Derek caught death. This boy, wherever he lived, was surrounded by the smell of death. Derek's guess was that someone close to him might have died, he soon found himself to be right when he heard him quietly crying for his mom, begging for her to come back to him and his dad, telling her that he was sorry he made her die. Derek had this overwhelming urge to just pick the kid up and bring him home, like some lost little stray that needed a good meal and a soft bed. He watched the boy that whole first day, following him deeper into the woods and then back out into the town. The stench of death hung heavily over the Stilinski house, Derek found it hard to watch Stiles walk into that dark, empty place, finally noticing that this small and frail little boy was just one wrong move from breaking - a glass on the edge of the table. When he came home that late evening, walked up to the front door in the shadow of his own home, he knew he reeked of death. When his family looked at him with alarm, he told them exactly what he had found "His mom is dead."

His family was fine with letting him indulge in his new found interest. In fact, sometimes one of them would even go out with him. Usually it was Laura, who never watched Stiles with him, but always from a distance, separately and on her own. Peter had once done the same, but had left after a short while, likely out of disinterest. Mostly it was the younger ones that were more curious. They all, at one point or another, tagged along with Derek to see this infamous sound of the forest. They quickly found that there was a 'no approaching' rule Derek kept firmly in place, and how unwelcome they became after the second visit. Laura understood Derek's feelings on this situation, as did Peter and even Derek's parents, when they eventually came out with him to see Stiles. The boy was his. His property, his prey, off limits – without ever having even approached him, Derek had staked claim on Stiles. He didn't need to talk to him or know his name to own him.

"Will you have him turned?"

The question alarmed Derek and he looked up to his father, not sure if he had even heard him right, considering how out of the blue that was. "What?"

"When you're the Alpha. Will you have him turned?" His father was calm as he pulled his gaze away from the boy to his son "Derek."

"Why would I turn him, he's just some random kid." Even as he said it, he could hear the flutter of his own heartbeat. This was not just some random kid. He didn't know why it was, but he felt attached to Stiles, like it had been specifically him that was being called for every one of those days, staring out the window. Still, he tried defiantly to believe what he had already said.

Derek and his father stared at each other for a long time, until Stiles had wandered off out of sight. Neither one willing to budge and inch in this unspoken argument. Eventually, Derek had to look away, simply out of respect. "Think about it, Derek."

Derek looked up in time to see his father give him a knowing smile, before he turned and left for home. Derek followed after his prey, confused as to what his father understood that he didn't.

Then came the day that they would officially meet.

Stiles was angry, that was the first thing Derek noted as he heard the call off in the distance. Some days Stiles would come into the forest sad, it was the more common call Derek would hear, the one of woe. Other days he would come to the forest angry, it was rare, but Derek had soon realized that those days sometimes brought an extra scent. It was always the same ones, sometimes two, sometimes three. Sometimes Stiles would have a bruise and Derek's blood would boil. It was no surprise the kid was bullied, one look at him showed he was an obvious target for harsh treatment. Derek had often contemplated following Stiles to school and finding those kids, teaching them not to touch what belonged to him, but he knew his father would be livid if he ever did such a thing. The biggest rule of the pack was 'keep the peace'.

Keeping the peace keeps the pack safe, so looking for a fight wasn't something he'd get awarded for.

Instead, he kept up his act of watching Stiles from a distance and silently fuming over the things he couldn't control. Today was one of those days for him, he'd known since the moment he heard Stiles that it was likely going to be one of those days. If his mom had been home, she would have reminded him to take care with his temper before he left, but no one was home except for him, Laura and a few of the younger kids. Peter had been there - there was always one adult present - but he had gone off in the other direction of the house to patrol their territory.

Derek had watched Stiles for four hours before his heart decided to jump into his throat.

He hadn't expected it. One moment Stiles was there, the next, he vanished into the ground. The kid hadn't even screamed. At first he kept his distance, filled with hesitation. He wasn't sure why, but he got this pit in his gut when he thought of reviling himself to Stiles – this sickening worry that he might do something wrong. The thought of talking to him, was suddenly terrifying. Hearing his calls for help though, it got him to pull himself together. He was able to approach the crevice and call to him.

"Hey, kid!" Well, that was a lame start "Kid, you okay?"

Derek didn't have time to wish for a rock to crawl under – because of course he's not okay, you_ idiot_! – the moment Stiles turned to look at him, the moment their eyes met, he forgot how to breath. Bright amber eyes stared directly into his own, it was the first time they'd ever met each others gaze and Derek felt pinned to the spot. He felt shaken down to his bone and he couldn't think of absolutely any reason as to why he felt so.

"I-I'm stuck! There's no way out! I can't- Get out"

The panic in the boys voice pulled him back to his senses "Okay, calm down. I'll get you out. I don't live too far from here, so I'm going to go and get some help- Don't panic! Do you understand? I'll be right back." The flutter of panic that had started, faded away from Stiles eyes as Derek did his best to sound as reassuring as he could. When he got a nod of acknowledgement, he took off back to his place as quickly as his legs would take him.

Laura was out on the front porch before he'd even made it to the front yard, her face was etched with concern as Derek came up to her "What's wrong?"

"I need rope. The kid, he fell into a crevice." He replied quickly.

Laura was off to the shed before he'd even finished what he'd said. Some of the other kids were on the porch too now, looking curious and worried as well. Derek fixed them with a look "Tell Peter when he gets back, if we haven't returned yet." They nodded at the order without question and Laura and Derek were off the next instant.

Everything else was over so quick after that. They found Stiles, Derek near had a heart attack when he let go of the wall and went under. Laura brought him out of the crevice and they started back on their way to the Hale house. Having to carry Stiles over half the way there was a heyday on his nerves, but it also felt right, having the boy so close and within his protection, especially after everything. His parents where home when they got back, they seemed to be actually quite pleased that Stiles was going to be in their house. Derek supposed it gave them a better chance to get to understand the boy that their son had taken such an interest to, and it took a lot of effort on his part to not growl at every advancement one of his family members would make. It seemed though, that Stiles had no real interest in any of his family besides Laura and his parents. Stiles greatest interest, much to Derek's satisfaction and discomfort, was Derek himself.

Every moment Stiles had for himself, it was directed toward Derek. The young wolf wasn't sure whether he wanted to smile or run, he didn't know what to say and he found it so hard not to stare at the kid. Mind you, Stiles rarely stopped staring at him. Derek decided that those amber eyes made him feel completely bare, down to his soul. It was like Stiles was trying to unlock him, and what was worse, Derek was fairly sure he was succeeding. With every new smile or tiny gesture of affection, the wolf felt another lock break, it scared him, yet he couldn't stop Stiles from doing it. He knew his parents could tell, Peter and Laura, the other adults and even a few younger than him. The younger ones were confused, but all the others did was smile. Every one of them, like they knew something about what was happening that he didn't. It frustrated him.

Still, too soon it was time for Stiles to leave. He tried, but he couldn't say no to the kid when he was asked to go with him on the drive home. Maybe it was because there were less people, but, on the drive, Derek let himself be a little more vocal with the kid. He was rewarded for it, brighter smiles, sparkling eyes, _laughter_ – he liked the sound of that laugh much more than those cries of sadness, so much more – he even smiled quite a bit at the boys antics, and laughed a little himself. The Stilinski house showed up much too soon. Stiles deflated like a balloon, Derek wanted to tell his mom to turn the car around and take them all back home. '_Let's keep him_' comically popped into his mind. Stiles smile was back on his face now, though. Not nearly as bright as he thanked Derek's mother. Though he could smell the concern on her, she easily played along with the boy. When Stiles turned back to face him, he expected an exaggerated wave and a fond farewell, his mind had never even processed the idea of more physical contact. It should have, but it didn't. The hug was awkward and Derek fought with his possessive urge to just pull the kid into the back seat with him and not let him leave, he was reluctant to let go. Seeing the smile on Stiles face though, was well worth it.

"Thank you for saving me Derek! You're a really cool guy, I hope I get to talk to you again sometime!"

Derek just stared at him, only able to muster a weak "Y-Yeah…"

"Bye Mrs. Hale, Bye Derek!" Stiles said getting out of the car.

"Bye… Stiles."

He watched Stiles as he stood in the driveway, watched him just as he was watching Derek, until they both eventually disappeared out of each others sight.

* * *

The years that passed after that, they never had another encounter, Derek isn't sure to this day why he intentionally avoided him like he had in those first months. He had constantly yearned to be close to Stiles again, got a horrible pain in his chest every time Stiles cried for him in the woods. He would never go to him though, and Stiles had never been able to find the Hale house again on his own either. The boy grew, he came to the forest less and less. Derek watched, saw him grow and move on as much as he could from his past pains. Eventually, the wolf realized what it was that drew him to Stiles so strongly. Finally having an understanding of those feelings, a name for them, it horrified him to know what he'd actually wanted for them both. It was because of those feelings that he threw himself into the arms of Kate Argent, he needed to love_ her_…

There was once a point, after he'd lost so much, that he wondered what it would have been like to love Stiles instead.

Laura never said anything, but she knew. Derek was sure she knew about it all. About Kate, about Stiles, about the mistake he had made that cost them their pack – their family. What hurt him, more than anything, was knowing that she forgave him for everything despite it.

Sometimes she would even mention Stiles in a passing topic. She remembered him well, after all, she had watched him almost as often as Derek. Maybe a kid would remind her, or the colour red, someone with their mom. Most often the phrase 'sourwolf' did it for her though. '_You know, Stiles would agree with me, I bet._' '_I wonder how he is these days._.' '_I saw him a little before we left, he was growing up well!_' '_I bet mom would have liked to see him now._'

Derek almost felt as if Laura had led him back to the teen, all those years later. As a last act of love and hope of happiness for her little brother, it sounded very like Laura to him. Derek didn't want to see Stiles though, that moment in the woods, when his heart ached and they locked gazes. For that one moment, he remembered bright eyes and smiling faces, an autumn day and hot chocolate in a warm house with loving voices. He couldn't bare it, any of it. So he walked away. He ignored the hurt he knew Stiles was feeling, he ignored the fact he was walking away from possibly his last chance at happiness. He didn't want it. He wanted the misery and the guilt, because he deserved it. He just wanted to kill whoever had taken Laura away from him.

Every moment after that, Stiles was at odds with him. The more that they interacted with each other, the more it seemed like Stiles didn't remember that day at all. Maybe the hurt he'd thought to be there that day in the woods was imagined, maybe it was is own and he'd made himself believe it belonged to Stiles to make things easier for himself. Stiles certainly didn't act like he had any fond feelings for Derek, at their best moments, he was just barely tolerating the wolf. Derek did his best to ignore it, bury it under all the other problems he had on a day to day basis, but somewhere deep in him, he hurt. Every time he and Stiles met gazes, something hurt. The teen always looked so weary with him, like he wasn't sure if he wanted him gone or dead or both. Everything always just seemed so much more worse when Stiles was around. Derek lost his focus, lost his temper, there were more injuries and more mistakes and chaos, everything. Stiles was his problem.

His weakness.

Derek closed his eyes against the sting in them and took a deep breath. The hours had ticked away and it was barely light in the sky now, in twilight with the sun just bordering off the west. Scott should be there soon. It was good to have the kid finally asking him for help and actually be willing to listen to what he has to say. Mind you, that might change when he gets to the house, seeing as they always butt heads once in the same place together. Sighing, Derek got up out of his bed, and walked to the porch. He'd already gotten everything ready for when Scott was to show up, so all he had left to do now is wait. Erica and Boyd were already chained up in the cellar with Isaac watching over them. The teen had adapted well to his full moon urges, he learnt fast and Derek was thankful for that, it meant less hassle and more help for him. Isaac would be a strong, confident and loyal beta once he's finished with all his training.

A sound caught Derek's attention in the distance, it didn't take long for the Alpha to recognize it and when he did, a frown came to his face and he let out a small groan of frustration. He'd know the sound of that beat up old hunk of junk anywhere, it was Stiles jeep. Of course Stiles was coming, when was he not surgically attached to Scott's bony hip. Even in those early years, Scott's sent had lingered on Stiles like the plague, it had always brought out the possessive side in him back then. He waited for them to drive up into his front yard, arms crossed and scowl set into his features. There was no chance he was letting his greatest distraction stay anywhere near him on a full moon.

Scott and Stiles stepped out of the jeep and made their way up to Derek. It was easy for both of them to tell he wasn't in a good mood, but they were so used to it by now that they didn't even stop to rethink approaching him.

"Okay, so where's this shindig happening?" Came Stiles enthusiastic voice.

"Here. Where you are _not_ going to be." Came Derek's authoritative reply "There's no reason for you to be here, Stiles. Go home."

Looking offended, Stiles instantly went to the defensive "Like hell I'm going home, I'm with Scott every full moon!"

Derek went to growl at him, but Scott spoke up as well "He's staying, Derek."

The Alpha turned his glare on Scott "You're putting him in danger by letting him stay."

"I think it's official that I'll be in danger no matter where I go anymore."

"Well you're in_ immediate_ danger here."

"Why do you even care?"

"I _don't_." Derek snapped. He saw the flicker of hurt in Stiles eyes, but did his best to ignore it and the ping in his chest and instead turned to Scott, who looked pretty agitated with him now too. Great "You care, though, and if_ you_ want him safe, you won't let him stay here."

"He's staying." Was Scott's defiant response.

Derek felt a headache starting. With an angry growl, he stalked down the steps and stopped in front of Stiles, jabbing a finger into his chest and taking a mild satisfaction in the small 'ow' he got for it "I'm _not_ here to protect you."

With that, he made his way to the cellar. He could feel it now that this was going to be a long night.


End file.
